


Second Date

by escherlat



Series: Stepping Stones [2]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, memories of abuse, physical abuse discussed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherlat/pseuds/escherlat
Summary: The date at Jone's Beach helped Max and Chloe become girlfriends, then life happened. They see each other occasionally but aren't able to spend much time together. Chloe decides to change that by arranging a date of her own. She wants it to be special for her girlfriend. Big questions and deep issues lay between them. Will the date help bridge the chasm and connect them in the way they need?
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price
Series: Stepping Stones [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914343
Comments: 24
Kudos: 30





	1. Parking Lot

A swirling line of blue-grey smoke rose from the end of the cigarette. It twisted and turned as it wafted on the currents to disappear into the sky above. The sight transfixed Chloe as she sat in her truck with the engine off. The half-used cigarette held between her fingers did nothing to keep them warm as they hung outside the truck window. Her eyes followed the column from the glowing tip upwards until she caught a glimpse of her face in the side mirror.

The glimpse twisted her face into a scowl. She gave the reflection the middle finger before looking away. The cigarette came to her lips for another drag.

A cool breeze passed through the cab, ruffling her hair and raising little bumps on her exposed skin. In the days since Jones’ Beach the weather had turned cold. It was still warmer than usual, just not enough for swimming outside anymore. _But maybe another trip to the Blackwell pool._ She smirked at the thought. The blue and green flannel she wore was enough protection for her in this weather, but she suspected Max would wear something a little heavier.

As she took another drag, she reviewed her plans and supplies. The cooler was wedged in the bed of the truck, secured with stretch ties. It was enough for all day and more. And there were plenty of supplies at their destination. She had checked and rechecked the supplies and had even gone through tons of scenarios that could go wrong.

_I’ve got this!_

_I think._

Max had poured so much of herself into the date, and yes it was a date, at Jones’ Beach that she worried that her simpler plan wasn’t enough.

_Get a hold of yourself, Price! You can do this._

She was tough and hardened by life and its circumstances. But that brown-haired, blue-eyed girl had a way of reaching through all her defenses and melting her heart. And those freckles! _Damn, those freckles just beg for attention!_

She blew out a stream of smoke and tried to force her mind away from those thoughts. She stubbed out the cigarette against the window frame and tossed the butt in the tray. _I need to think of how I want to ask this._

Today was not just a date. Today… today she’d put a lot on the line and she didn’t know if she or Max were ready. _Six fucking weeks! Don’t know if anyone is ready for something like this six weeks after…_

Movement in her mirror caught her eye and her breath. Max walked down the sidewalk toward the parking lot. A heavyweight hoodie was zipped to her chin with the hood hiding her face. Instead of her usual messenger bag, she wore a backpack. Chloe knew a camera, journal, and other things were hidden there. A strong desire to peek in Max’s journal flitted through her mind. She shoved that desire away. _Let Max keep her secrets, like I have mine. If they need to be shared, that’ll happen in time._

She admired her friend, the way she carried herself, the way her gaze seemed to take in the world around her. Like really take it in, not just register its existence. Max had a way of peering beyond it to see things regular people didn’t. _And that’s one thing I like about her, she’s not a regular person. She notices things… people and details lost to others._

Max couldn’t help but feel a little flutter inside when she saw Chloe’s truck in the lot. A little bounce entered her step and she had to stop herself from waving and skipping. The truck was parked across the lines instead of within the parking spot. _But not in the handicap spot, thank goodness!_ Her friend lived for bucking the system.

_And that’s one reason I like her: she walks her own path and always has._

Her thoughts were in general turmoil, as they often were when thinking about Chloe. The date at Jones’ Beach had brought a lot of clarity to their relationship while leaving too much in the dark. And the days since had been filled with school, catching up on assignments missed, and generally leaving little time for them to be together.

What occupied Max’s mind the most now was how she could best support Chloe. A few days and a couple of conversations weren’t enough to close the chasm she’d built over five years. While it was great they connected in much the same way they did as kids, they weren’t kids anymore.

_Girlfriends… we’re girlfriends._

That thought made her mind and body kind of fuzzy, like she was wrapped in her favorite blanket. Which happened to be tucked into her pack. Other thoughts tried to intrude, ones that wanted to distract and undermine her. She pushed them away for now. What was happening wasn’t just about herself, it was about Chloe and her life. William. Rachel. She shuddered at what little Chloe had shared about the last five years.

Max looked up when she reached the bottom of the stairs. Her heart skipped when she saw the blue hair through the back window. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face even if she wanted to. She had some ideas to talk over with Chloe, but what mattered most was making her feel safe and comfortable enough to open up. To help her know she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

A few steps took her to the illegally parked truck. She opened the door, a vibrant greeting on her lips. It died when she saw what waited for her on the passenger seat; a small black cloth. “What the hell, Chloe!”

The wicked grin Chloe flashed her melted away her hesitation. _So not helping right now._ Her heart skipped a beat and her stomach kind of bounced. The passion that had smoldered since the beach flared into life, a small warmth in her core.

“Fair’s fair, Caulfield,” Chloe said with a soft chuckle. The grin was fixed on her face now by all the flip-flops happening in her, but she was careful not to show her full face to Max. “Besides, pretty sure this is _your_ kink.”

Max tried to glare at Chloe as she flicked the cloth across the seat so she could climb into the cab, but the glare dissolved into a lopsided smile. _I’m never gonna live this down!_

The door shut with a hollow bang as she placed her pack on the floor. Chloe held the blindfold toward her on one finger. Nervously, she accepted the cloth. It seemed way too heavy for such a small thing. Her hood flipped back and she held the blindfold to her face. It fit neatly over her eyes, the soft interior a nice touch. She turned so her back was toward Chloe and held out the ties.

“Tie it please?”

Chloe looked at the ties, but her eyes were drawn elsewhere. _That damned ponytail is too cute! … Not that I’ll admit that… at least not yet._ With an effort, she made herself look at the ties dangling from Max’s fingers. Suddenly, she was filled with a nervousness that made her fingers tremble.

_Come on, Price! You’ve done kinkier stuff than this!_

It wasn’t the act though that brought the attack of the nerves. Rather, it was the fact she was doing this with Max. _Her_ Max. Even her insides seemed to jumble and vibrate as her fingers approached the ties. It had started years ago, though she didn’t understand it at the time. Now, she was older, more experienced, and it made those feelings far more intense.

She licked her lips as she grabbed the ties. Her fingers wanted to touch the ponytail instead, and did manage to brush against it. That just made her nerves worse. Right now, she wanted to take Max into her arms and never let her go. Since they’d reconnected, being close to Max or touching her did weird things to her mind and body. Deep down, those things both hurt and healed.

Their fingers touched briefly when Chloe took the ties. They left an odd tingling in their wake that spread through Max’s fingers. She lay them on her lap as the tingling fed that fire inside her. Anxiety also reared its head as the blindfold was fastened. Without sight, she wouldn’t know what to expect. She’d be at Chloe’s mercy and she found that she was both thrilled and calmed by that. She trusted Chloe.

Before she knew it, Chloe cleared her throat and patted her shoulder. “All set.”

_Chloe’s voice sounds… weird._

She started to scoot away when Chloe said, “If… uh, you want, you can sit next to me.”

Max stopped, her breath caught for a moment as she let those words sink in. Without a sound, she sat back and moved closer to Chloe until she was tucked into her side. After some fumbling, she had the seatbelt buckled and she let herself relax, just a little. All this was still new and unknown territory for her. Not like her experienced friend.

That uncertainty fought against the desire to be in the moment. It stiffened her back as she struggled to keep the negative feelings at bay. Her hands clutched each other between her knees. Against her left side, though, was a person who made her giddy and awkward (well, more awkward than she normally was) and made her want to be a better person. As she focused on Chloe’s presence, the anxiety slipped away and she snuggled against her girlfriend.

_Chloe Price. My girlfriend._

_How many times did I look at the other kids and wonder about what they had? And now she’s next to me. She… wants me._

_No matter what happens, we’re together._

She pressed against Chloe’s side. The strong smell of cigarettes wrapped around them, along with whatever her Chloe used for shampoo and body wash. There were other scents she couldn’t recognize. What she did recognize is who they made her think of: her girlfriend.

With a sigh, she loosed her hands and placed them on her knees.

“Ready, Super Max?”

“Ready, Captain Blue.”


	2. The beach

The engine started with a roar that made Max flinch. Chloe chuckled softly. “Sorry.” The truck began moving and she was jostled by an elbow as Chloe turned the steering wheel. _Maybe I’m a little too close to her. I should move._ But she didn’t.

There was a click and music began playing. The volume was low, but the song recognizable. “This is the first day of my life,” the musician sang.

_She’s playing Bright Eyes!_

An arm slipped around her shoulders and Max tensed, then relaxed. _I can do this. We used to play games like this when we were little._

Only they were no longer little. The burning in her core and flutters in her chest made that pretty clear, along with the way they kissed and looked at each other. And it seemed more was at stake here than a children’s game. _Or I could be overthinking it as usual._

The heat source next to Max filled her with a desire to snuggle against Chloe. The dull thrum of the truck pulled at her heart to curl up with her girlfriend and fall asleep. She wondered what it would be like to sleep with her now they were girlfriends.

_Probably not get any sleep…_ That internal fire flared higher and a need to do something, anything, sped through her. It ran into an anxiety about what was next. What would she find at the end of the truck ride? It was an overnight trip. Did Chloe want more than the hugs and kisses they’d trade? Did she want more?

At the beach she’d been consumed by a need to be close to Chloe. It had been a strange, exciting feeling that had driven her to wrap herself around her girlfriend. She remembered knowing that their clothes blocked what she wanted, what she needed.

_I do want more. And I bet she does too. But what am I supposed to do? Like… how do we talk about it? Am I supposed to ask? How do I take that next step?_

The thoughts and questions and need made her hands fidget and dance in her lap. Right now, she really wanted to see the beautiful punk next to her, to see where they were going. She wanted to tell bad jokes and talk. With the blindfold and conflicting thoughts, she didn’t know what to do.

Max decided to focus on her trust in Chloe, on having a new experience, to push those thoughts aside. With a deep breath, she spread her hands on her thighs and slowly let the air out. As she did, she relaxed and settled against Chloe, letting the arm hold her. Even though she was blindfolded, she closed her eyes and focused on these new sensations.

Chloe glanced at those slender fingers worrying themselves in Max’s lap. She had an urge to put her hand on them, but that meant moving her arm from Max’s shoulders. It tucked Max into her side which she rather liked.

It had been a tense few minutes before they left. She’d watched as her girlfriend, on the verge of panic, had sat stiffly next to her, hands pressed between knees. Right when she’d been about to tell Max to remove the blindfold, all the tension had disappeared and she’d cuddled next to her.

_Shit! I hope this isn’t bringing back memories of that fucking room! I didn’t think about that._

She gave Max a squeeze with her arm and tapped their heads together. It was the only thing she could really do while driving. Well, there were other things but with the way Max was she felt those would push her girlfriend in the wrong direction. That’s not what she wanted.

They drove down the 101 in the hazy light of morning, quickly leaving town. Patchy fog clung to the seaward side of the road. That, along with the overcast sky and slight chill in the air, meant the weather wasn’t as nice as the date Max planned. Chloe hoped it would be good enough. It had taken her some time hunting this place down; memory was shit sometimes. The last time she was here, William was still alive. They’d come here only once, so it didn’t have any special connections. She knew Max would love it and that’s what mattered the most.

Max leaned her head against Chloe’s shoulder. It was strange driving with Max like this. Memories of doing the same with Rachel came to mind and she struggled to not let them change the moment.

_So alike yet so different._

It was like electricity danced upon her skin wherever Max touched her. There’d been a certain excitement with Rachel, too.

_Like standing on the edge of the cliff with only your toes on the ledge._

With Max there was more to the moment; and she didn’t want to screw it up. A lump had formed in her throat while those thoughts ebbed and flowed. She swallowed painfully and tilted her head to touch Max’s. Her fingers slipped up and down Max’s arm. A soft sigh escaped from the smaller woman.

_Fuuuuck! I gotta admit, Max is way more cuddly. Not that I’m complaining…_

Chloe’s eyes strayed to the fuel gauge. There was enough gas for this trip. After that… _Shit. Gotta find a more reliable way to get funds. Especially if I’m gonna help us get out of here._ _Job. Money. Get out of AB with Max._ _I should write that shit on my arm so I don’t forget._

Her gaze returned to the road and let the drive push those worries from her mind. The scenery passed quickly as they went South: forested hills, wind swept bluffs, ocean, and rocks. An ever changing landscape in the early throes of winter, although the air was too warm for snow and ice.

The fog burned away the longer they drove. It was strange driving this long without talking. _Guess I had a shit ton on my mind. Max, too, I bet._ All those thoughts had so distracted her that she hadn’t made any of the jokes she’d thought about while planning the trip.

They continued onward, the playlist Chloe had curated for Max whispering to them from the speakers. About an hour or so south of the Bay, Chloe pulled off the road, backed the truck into a spot and turned off the engine.

Next to her, Max stirred and sat up. It caused Chloe’s arm to slide off her shoulders. It immediately ached to return to its former resting place. Chloe pulled the key from the ignition and pocketed it. “Are we here,” Max asked, “Can I take off the blindfold now?”

The blindfold wasn’t needed in the first place. Chloe had done it as a little joke because of last time. Not that Max needed to know that. Yet.

That adorable pony tail drew Chloe’s eyes and she pursed her lips. Her fingers twitched. They wanted to reach up and play with that tail. _Maybe later. After…_

Chloe took a deep breath to steady herself then said, “Sure, you can take it off.” Max turned her head and waited.

Chloe’s hands slowly reached toward the waiting ties and they couldn’t help it! One hand slipped along the pony tail. _So cute!_

“Do you like it?”

Chloe jerked her hand away at the question. “Uh, yeah. It’s super cute.”

_Smooth, Price. Real smooth._

In a flash, her hands returned to the ties and pulled them loose.

“I like that you like it.”

Chloe’s fingers froze. _Did I hear her right?_ Max’s words had been so soft she wasn’t sure she’d actually spoken.

Max pulled the blindfold off, undid her seatbelt, and turned around to look at Chloe. The bright grin on her face crumbled as she saw the poorly hidden shadow under Chloe’s left eye.

“No,” she whispered as she raised fingers to Chloe’s face. They touched her cheek lightly, just below the bruise.

With a curse, Chloe flinched and turned away, knocking her nose against the fingers. “Fucking hell,” she muttered. _I didn’t want her to see that! Not now… not yet!_

She winced as his voice tore through her mind, degrading her, pummeling her sense of self. The hand whipped up and her head jerked, slamming it into the truck!

“Ouch,” she said as she rubbed the back of her head.

“Was it…” Max couldn’t bring herself to say the name. Anger flared in her, hot and sharp. “He can’t do that!” Her hands curled into fists.

“He did and he does,” Chloe said without emotion. “Can we… not talk about this right now. Please?” _I… don’t want him here with us. Fuck it! He’s…_

Max clenched her fists so tight they hurt. _How can I not talk about… David hitting her! Again!_

She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths. That made it worse as she again saw between the slats of Chloe’s closet door as his hand slapped her. _No! I don’t know…_ It broke her heart to know Chloe lived with such abuse. Her hands had finally opened but her chest was now tight with worry. “Ok,” Max said in a tight voice. “Later.”

Chloe rested her forehead on her hand propped on the door. The plans for a fun, relaxing time with Max, and possibly a build up to a big request later, was ruined.

_Why’d I let her see it!_ _Why’d I try to hide it?_

Rachel had taught her how to hide the signs. Try as she might, her skills where nothing like Rachel’s, honed to perfection through modeling and acting.

_She… It hurt that she hid parts of her life and I…_

A hand touched her shoulder and she cracked her right eye open to see Max leaning close to her. Not totally in her space, but close enough. “We’re going to have fun today,” Max insisted. “Where we are is the ‘Max and Chloe Only’ zone. No one else is allowed! Are you ready to join me?”

Chloe eyed the hand held out to her and snorted. “You goof,” she said, her voice a bit choked. “The Max and Chloe Only zone? Are we ten?”

Max flipped her head to the side with a big, goofy grin. _Don’t let your worry show!_ “For today, we are anything we want to be! The only rule is: have fun!”

Chloe turned from the door and gave Max’s shoulder a playful shove. “Who’s running this date now anyway?”

“Ooh! Is this a date?” Max playfully teased.

“Damn right this is a date!”

“Oh, yeah? Show me!” Max tried to speak demurely, but it sounded silly to her ears and she couldn’t help laughing. Chloe joined her and the atmosphere in the truck cab lightened considerably.

“Thanks.” Chloe touched Max’s hand and flinched. _I fucking don’t deserve her._ She slid her hand over her girlfriend’s and focused on the warmth and connection.

“Anytime… girlfriend,” Max said with a soft smile. She slid across the bench seat and flipped the blindfold onto the dash. _Begone foul thing!_ After grabbing her pack, she unlocked the door and opened it.

A blast of cold air, laced with brine and sand, stole her warmth the moment she stepped from the truck. “Brrr.” She wrapped her coat tighter and plucked a nice thick hat from a pocket. It slipped over her head and her sensitive ears immediately felt better. The hat was one of Chloe’s that she’d claimed, which made it seem so much warmer. “Maybe I should have brought a heavier coat.”

Max slung the pack onto her back and looked around the area. They were parked in a group of trees, which thankfully blocked most of the sea breeze. A few feet from the truck, the area they were in widened and the trees stopped. Sand and rocks spread out toward the ocean some hundred feet or more away. At the edge of the little woods was the remains of a fire pit, mostly buried by sand. _Guess this isn’t that popular a place._

Through the trees she could see large columns of land and rock that marched into the sea. The closer ones had trees and other plant life. These islands in the sky excited her curiosity and begged for exploration. The sight made her fingers long for a camera and they began creeping toward her pack.

A creak behind her distracted her and her hands dropped to her sides. She turned to see Chloe had lowered the tailgate and jumped up. The truck wobbled a bit as she walked toward the cooler. The motion drew Max’s attention who wandered to the end of the truck. With a few quick motions, Chloe had the wheeled cooler detached from the bed and slid it toward Max. After grabbing a coil of rope, she hopped from the bed and grabbed the cooler.

“We’ve got a bit of a walk up the shore,” Chloe said as they lowered the cooler to the ground. She closed the tailgate, then locked the truck doors. The keys went back into her pocket, the rope over her shoulder, then she grabbed the cooler handle. “Ready?”

On the far side of the old campsite was a fallen tree. They stood atop it for a few minutes watching the sea. Chloe stuck her hands into her back pockets and closed her eyes to focus on the surf.

Arms slipped around Chloe’s waist, startling her. She opened her eyes and looked down to see Max hugging her. The unexpected contact had caused Chloe to stiffen and she had to force herself to relax and accept the freely given affection. _It’s so fucking hard sometimes…_

“Uh, what’s that for,” she asked, her voice cracking a little at the end.

“It wasn’t for anything,” Max said and looked up at her. “It was for you because I wanted to.”

Chloe cleared her throat and awkwardly put her arms around Max. What happened in the truck and what she needed to do later had her tied up in knots inside. And she was still getting used to having someone in her life that wanted her, that wanted to touch her in a way that didn’t hurt.

“Thanks,” she muttered.

Max stepped away, her hands trailing along Chloe’s waist. “Ok, now show me what makes this place special.”

“Any place with you is special,” Chloe whispered, then jerked her head away. _I…_ The little smile Max gave her drove all thoughts from her mind. _Yes, yes I planned that!_

With little flutters tickling her insides, Chloe took Max’s hand and the two walked toward the beach, the cooler trailing behind them. The sand was firm underfoot, unspoiled by human feet, and they soon reached the edge of the surf. Here they paused, just out of reach of the water, and watched the waves roll in.

Max watched Chloe more than she watched the waves. From the corner of her eye of course. Her friend; No! Not friend, _girl_ friend! Was acting really weird today. While she wanted to chalk it up as second date jitters, she suspected it had more to do with the bruise Chloe failed to hide.

_She doesn’t deserve that! But what can I do? How can I help her?_

The memory of hiding in Chloe’s closet and watching David hit her friend haunted her. Shame and anger and guilt flared in her that not only had she seen that awful act, she’d done nothing to stop it. The scene had shocked her into inaction. That anyone, let alone a _parent_ , would treat anyone they supposedly cared about like that was disgusting. Even now it churned her insides in a dreadful way.

_What else has Chloe gone through that I don’t know about? Rachel was her angel… what other horrors did she save Chloe from?_

_I wish we could get in my truck and drive away, leave this hellhole behind._ Chloe watched the waves, always different and changing, always beautiful.

_What does she see in me? No… fuck that, I know what she sees in me. I just… she doesn’t need my burdens, my self-doubts, when she’s got her own shit to deal with._

A swell rose in the water far away and moved toward shore. It commanded Chloe’s eyes as it increased in size and speed. It broke and spread toward them, retreating only inches from her feet.

_But she wants my shit… which I don’t understand._

That wary sense that this was all a cruel joke, that one day she’d wake up and Max was gone, wouldn’t leave her alone. _What’s it gonna take for that to go away?_

The ever present ocean breeze rolled lighter bits of seaweed and wood along the beach. It ruffled the strands of Chloe’s hair not under her beanie. The sky was overcast, not the best for bright pictures and views, but contained its own melancholic beauty.

Max put her arms around Chloe again and buried herself in her shoulder. There was something about watching the surf and its ever changing ways that made her fear for her friend. She couldn’t put her finger on it but right now she wished she could make Chloe feel what she felt for the punk. That wasn’t possible, of course. But she could manage to hug her.

The sudden hug made Chloe take a step back, her balance thrown for a moment.

_She’s a lot more emotional and supportive than Rachel was. Touchy-feely in a caring, almost healing kind of way. Rachel always seemed more… seductive._

Once she regained her footing, she wrapped her arms around Max and rested her chin on the hipster’s head. A wistful smile teased her lips as she watched the rolling surf and held her girlfriend.

_I think I could stay like this forever._

And it seemed like they would as they stood in each other’s arms, lost in their own thoughts and feelings for themselves and each other. The breeze picked up and swirled around them, but in the embrace they were safe and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [Rainboq](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainboq/profile) for beta reading.


	3. The Tower

“So… what do you want to see first,” Chloe asked.

Max looked up at Chloe. “You.” Chloe’s smile took on a sly look and Max froze. _I… said that out loud!_

“Oh, you want to see me,” Chloe teased. “Should I take my clothes off or do you want to?”

Heat flared in Max’s face and she tried to squirm free of Chloe’s arms. An overwhelming desire to run and hide grabbed her and wouldn’t let go. The gentle circle of Chloe’s arms kept her in place though. After a few seconds, she stopped struggling and resigned herself to staying in the embrace, which really wasn’t a bad place. “Um… er…,” she stammered and tumbled over her words, which had fled far away.

“I’ll freeze my tits off here,” Chloe continued with a grin. She dropped her arms, stepped away from Max and grabbed the hem of her flannel. “But if you insis-”

“I don’t want to see them!” blurted Max.

“Really?” Chloe looked disappointed as she dropped the hem.

For a moment it seemed her ears would melt away or set her hat on fire. Max tugged at her collar to get some relief and quickly said, “No! I mean I do b-but not now! I… I…” With a sound between a whimper and a groan, she buried her face in her hands.

_I messed that up so bad! And now she’s probably mad-_

Further thoughts were interrupted by a weight that rested on her head a moment before sliding to her shoulder. “You are too fucking adorable when you’re flustered,” Chloe whispered. “Tell you what, how about I show you why I brought us here?”

“Ok,” Max groaned.

“You gotta stop hiding though.”

Cautiously, Max lifted her head. Unlike her fears, she found Chloe looking at her with a pleasant smile. She bopped Max on the shoulder. “Come on Adora-Max,” she said. “Let’s head up the beach.”

With a nod, she took Chloe’s hand, and tried to relax. A gust of the sea breeze made her shiver and she missed Chloe’s warmth.

_Definitely needed a warmer jacket._

They walked along the surf line, just on the other side of the debris swept in by the waves. Thankfully, the wind was behind them, so they weren’t as cold as they could be.

They wandered amongst the driftwood and rocks. An occasional sea bird scurried along the wet sand, poking at things with its beak. Ahead, a large rocky outcrop towered over the beach. A small forest sprouted from its top, trees and ferns and bushes forming an impenetrable wall of plants. Chloe angled them toward it and they paused at its foot. The natural tower was just out of reach of the surf.

“I’m sure the view is better during the golden hour,” Chloe said as she scanned the rock face. “But with the clouds today, we’re shit outta luck.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Max said as she watched Chloe search the rock. “I’d say my view is already good.”

Chloe gave her a sharp look, then laughed. “Ok, Caulfield, if you say so.” She waggled her eyebrows before disappearing around the rock. _Now where are those handholds? You’d think I’d remember by now._

Max looked from the edge of the large outcrop out over the roiling ocean. _Hugs. Words with hidden meanings. It feels good to do this with Chloe, if nerve-wracking. I’m gonna fuck it up, I know it. I kinda did earlier._

“Here it is!” Came a triumphant shout a moment later. Max walked around the rock, thankfully into the lee, and found her girlfriend a few feet off the ground. “Come on up,” she said when she saw Max below.

“Uh… that looks dangerous.” Max looked at the series of nature-provided handholds up the side of the outcrop. The top was thirty feet or more in the air.

“It’s hella easy. You’ll be up here in five minutes.” Chloe’s confident words floated down to her.

“I don’t know.” Max realized she was hugging herself and she forced her hands to let go. Though they hung at her side, the urge to hold herself wouldn’t let go. She let her fingers discover the hem of her jacket and begin playing with it.

Suddenly, Chloe dropped to the beach in front of her and she jumped! Chloe crouched in the sand where she landed. “Hey,” Chloe said as she straightened and turned to her. “You’ll do fine. I’ll be right behind you.”

“If I fall I’ll take you down with me!” Her right hand crept toward her left elbow as a tightness formed in her. It wanted to move from her chest and take over. _Stop that!_

“You won’t fall. Keep your eyes on the rock and only look up.”

Max looked at her dubiously.

“I’m hella serious, Max!” Chloe spread her hands out. “You got this, and when you get up there? You’ll thank me.”

That made Max raise one eyebrow at her before she turned to look at the rock again. And look up and up and up. _So high._ That tightness gripped her even more. She stepped close to the tower and laid her hand against its rough surface. For a few seconds she breathed and focused on the rock, on the breeze in her bangs, on her toes wiggling in her shoes. The tightness eased, but didn’t disappear.

With a final breath, she looked at where Chloe had scaled the tower. The next problem immediately leaped to mind. “Hey bean pole,” she said with a smile and confidence she didn’t have. She looked at Chloe. “Boost me, please?”

“Sure.” Chloe stepped in front of her, crouched and cupped her hands together. Max put her left hand on Chloe’s shoulder, placed her left foot in the cupped hands, then pushed down with both.

_No jokes about weight!_

Chloe slowly stood and found Max to be lighter than expected. Any shred of a joke fled her mind when she realized Max’s crotch was next to her face. Her heart fluttered and she suddenly wanted to do more than give Max a boost! Then her leg straightened and Max pulled herself to the first set of footholds. She stepped back to let Max gain some height, eyes focused on that cute little butt, then began climbing too.

It took much less time than Max expected to reach the top, though it did make her wish she’d pushed herself more in PE. When at last she reached the rim, she rolled over the lip with a groan and crawled away from the edge. She shrugged off her pack and flopped onto her back. The sky above was light gray from the clouds and she watched them shift and move while she regained her breath. A few seconds later Chloe lay next to her.

“That was… something,” Max said.

“Wait until we have to go down,” Chloe said with a wink in between heavy breaths. That made Max groan again.

“Don’t remind me.”

Under the ever shifting clouds, they slowly relaxed. Their eyes stayed intent on the clouds overhead, thoughts held in check by the serene view. After a while, Chloe rolled onto her side and propped her head up with one hand. 

Beside her, Max was stretched out with one hand under her head. Hair peeked from beneath the hat, in need of teasing. The freckles scattered across her face begged to be touched or kissed. As she breathed, her chest and belly rose and fell. What drew Chloe’s attention the most were the slightly parted lips. They had their own gravity with a nigh irresistible pull.

“I wanna kiss you,” she breathed, the words playfully tossed around by the breeze.

Max shifted her eyes to Chloe, ignoring the poorly hidden bruise under her eye. “What’s stopping you,” she asked. And Chloe leaned over her. For a moment before their lips touched, Max tensed, a memory flitting through her mind. Darkness and flashes and bright lights that quickly faded into the moment.

Their lips touched and Max found them warm and soft. One hand came up to cup Chloe’s cheek, then slid around to the back of her head. Her other hand came up to hold Chloe’s cheek and it was just like back at Jones’ beach where it seemed she couldn’t get close enough to Chloe. She pulled her close, eyes closed, as her mind and body molded themselves to her girlfriend.

Chloe slipped a hand down Max’s side to grab her hip. It was hard to feel her through her clothes, but she didn’t care. Her hand traveled up again seeking an entrance. She had a sudden desire to touch Max, to feel her skin beneath her fingers. But she hesitated and instead brought her hand up to touch Max’s cheek.

They opened themselves to each other, tongues meeting and spirits soaring. Nothing mattered but this moment and their feelings for the other and what they wanted. They fit against the other, hands soft and firm as they held the other.

Everything inside Max was warm and good and pushed her toward more than a kiss. That insistence grew and intensified until it smashed into thoughts and feelings that opposed the passion. Too many concerns and questions and doubts filled Max, smothering that inner flame. Her body went slack and all the fire disappeared from her kiss as the other things won.

Chloe lifted her head, breaking the kiss, as she felt the excitement leave Max. Max’s eyes flicked here and there, unable or unwilling to meet hers. Slowly, Chloe went back to laying on her side, but she left one hand on Max. “You ok?”

Max hesitated. She didn’t want to burden Chloe with her insignificant worries and fears. To deflect, she slipped a hand into her hip pocket. “I have something for you,” she said distantly. Chloe’s brows lowered at that.

_I should really tell her what’s on my mind._

“Really? You got me something?” Hope and a little sadness wove through Chloe’s voice.

Max smiled awkwardly, removed her hand from the pocket, and sat up. She held her closed fist toward Chloe. “Open your hand,” she whispered. When Chloe did, Max placed her hand on Chloe’s palm then let the hidden object fall.

Chloe’s breath left her when she felt the shape of the object. _No, it can’t be!_ She closed her hand and sat up. Against her palm, she could feel its edge, its shape, its texture. Although light, it seemed heavier than anything she’d ever held. _Please, let it be!_ She held her breath as she slowly uncurled her fingers.

There it lay on her palm, blue and black and filled with more meaning than a simple thing should have. Chloe stared at it in disbelief. She swallowed the lump in her throat, but couldn’t look away from it. A rush of memories and emotions crashed into her. They ran rampant through her, tossing out her ideas and feelings of moments ago.

“H-how did you get this?” Her hand tightened around it again, and she looked over at Max. “Tell me,” she demanded and leaned toward her girlfriend.

Between Chloe’s narrowed eyes, and the energy that rolled off her, Max was taken aback. Her hand clenched and she quickly scrambled backwards. She turned her head away as her vision blurred. _I thought…_ _All I wanted…_

The moment Max scurried from her disappointment and realization stabbed Chloe. “I-I’m sorry.” She screwed her eyes shut. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Now she’ll think I’m mad at her, or worse._

Her hand tightened on the bracelet as she took a breath to relax. It didn’t work. Nor did the second one. Her arms trembled with the meaning of what lay in her hand and it seemed like it would tear her apart. “Please,” she managed to hiss.

In the ensuing silence, the rustling of the bushes seemed a roar. Or maybe that was the blood in Chloe’s ears. When Max did speak, she whispered and Chloe detected fear and doubt and similar emotions in her girlfriend’s voice. “When I went to see Frank a few weeks ago, it wasn’t about booze or fireworks. I… I went to ask about Rachel-“

“Why would you do that!” Again, Chloe screwed her eyes shut. _Fuck, why am I so… on edge about this. I’m freaking her out! Calm yourself!_ She pushed the heels of her hands against her head as if she could shove those raging emotions from her. When that didn’t work, she took a few breaths to let out the tension inside.

Max shrank back again from the quick, hard tone in Chloe’s voice. This wasn’t the scene she had pictured when she got the idea. Then again, she had imagined giving Chloe the bracelet in a better setting than a follow-up to a failed make out session.

_I fucked this up. Rachel was Chloe’s angel. I can’t expect her to just get over the pain of losing her. And I went and shoved that and Rachel’s hidden friendship with Frank in her face._

She took a breath and focused on what she really wanted: to help and support Chloe. Once she felt in control of her own thoughts, she leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Chloe,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I… wanted to know how to support you, to help you. Rachel meant a lot to you and I didn’t… I didn’t know how to help you. Since Frank knew Rachel, I thought he might know something that I could use to help you.”

“So he just… gave you her bracelet!”

Max opened her mouth to reply, but cut her words short and looked at her girlfriend. Chloe was so tense, holding the bracelet in a tight fist. There was a look to her eyes, like she was holding back tears. The sight pulled at her heart.

_Please open up…_

Slowly, Max moved closer to the punk, whose entire attention was on that closed hand. Max’s heart lurched at the sight.

“That bracelet means a lot to you,” she whispered. “Tell me about it. Please?”

The words stirred Chloe to life. She looked at Max and her heart skipped. Warm, soft eyes were paired with a small smile. For a moment, she could breathe Max, the scents of her suddenly strong and alluring.

“It,” she began, then found she didn’t know which words to say. She uncurled her fingers and looked at the bracelet cupped in her palm. Her fingers traced its contours. She could still recall the first time she saw it. That stirred her memory of seeing Rachel at the Firewalk concert.

“Rachel wore this bracelet all the time,” she whispered. “I… didn’t have anything of hers, this personal. Just… pictures and memories.” She opened the bracelet and stretched it out, like Rachel had done years ago when giving it to her.

“It was special to her; reminded her of her mom. When I saw it on Frank’s wrist… it fucking hurt! That something so personal of hers was with him…” She laid it on her wrist, the lightness belying its import. “She gave it to me once, told me how much it meant to her.”

_Damn it! I can’t get it tied with one hand._

Fingers slipped into view and took the ends of the bracelet from her. “Let me help you,” Max whispered, her eyes focused on Chloe’s upturned hand. Slowly, she closed the bracelet and began to fasten it.

Chloe couldn’t tell what caused more distress to her emotions: wearing Rachel’s bracelet again or the gentle touch of Max’s fingers.

“Bring her back,” Chloe whispered, the words floating upon the air the moment they came to mind.

“What?” Max looked up at Chloe. Sorrow and loss twisted Chloe’s face. The look stabbed deep into her, but not as deep as those words.

Chloe silently cursed herself. _I should have waited! Should have built up to it!_ “Can you… can you save, Rachel,” she asked.

The wind disappeared and the sounds of surf faded into nothingness as those words danced upon the air. They pummeled Max’s heart.

_I… She… wants her girlfriend back? I… I’m not good enough?_

Suddenly, all the plans and ways she had of helping Chloe melted away. She wasn’t who Chloe wanted. And who could blame her? Five years of silence, of ignoring her while Chloe dealt with shit she barely imagined.

“I… don’t know,” Max managed to say. Her insides and emotions churned. That seemed to suck up her joy and peace and everything good.

Chloe saw Max’s face fall. The light in her eyes died, and she turned away. She could barely hear what Max said over her own thoughts shouting in her head. “What do you mean you don’t know,” she said, harsher than she intended. “Can you do it or not?”

Without a word, Max stood and stepped to the far side of the little area. She needed a moment to think, a moment to quell her insecurities and fears. Chloe didn’t need to know how that request made her feel, her friend already had enough shit going on. She leaned against a tree and stared across the expanse of beach far below. The world pressed against her to grind her into the ground.

Chloe watched Max leave and dropped her head. _Fuuuuuck!_ Words that Max spoke at Jones’ beach rushed into her mind. It made her clench her hands tight as she realized what she’d unintentionally done.

“I thought… if I dressed a little more like Rachel… it would help,” Max had said. “Help you… see me. It’s wrong and shallow of me, I know, but I feel like I’m competing with her. The two of us are different, but I can’t help but feel blah and ordinary against the picture you paint of her.”

_And I went and asked her to bring Rachel back! She must think she’s shit right now._

Among the trees, she saw Max standing with her head bowed. One hand rested on a tree and Chloe could swear it trembled.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I went and hurt her!_

Chloe stood and kicked a small pebble. It skipped to the cliff and bounced into empty air.

_If only it was that easy…_

After the pebble disappeared from view, she turned and walked toward Max. Her friend’s shoulders were shaking and the sight cut deep into Chloe. It made her so mad with herself, she almost turned and walked away.

“Max,” she said questioningly, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” She took another breath. “I hurt you. That’s not what I want. I…”

“No,” Max whispered to the trees. “You were right to ask. Rachel deserves to live. I… I should have thought of that weeks ago.” With great effort, she pushed aside the weight on her heart and turned to face Chloe. “I… overreacted, Chloe. I’m sorry. It’s…” Her head ducked and turned away again.

With hands jammed into her pockets, Max stared at the trees. All the color had bled from them at the start of the conversation. “No matter how many times I tell myself that we’re together, that you like me for who I am. Not what I am or how I look, there’s a part of me always tearing myself down.”

Warmth trailed along her cheek, light and quick. She looked up to find Chloe comfortably close. “You’re my girlfriend,” Chloe whispered. “Not Rachel. She’s my friend and I want her to live. It wasn’t fair of me to put that on you, especially after you tried so hard to help me.”

After a moment, Max nodded. “I’ll do it.” And just like that, Chloe’s heart began to sing. Her breath caught in her chest and it took several tries for her to speak.

“O-Ok. How can I help?”

“I don’t know yet.” Max looked down. A bright light glowed behind Chloe’s eyes, causing a stab of jealousy to shoot through her. _Don’t do that, Caulfield!_

“When you do know, I’m here to help you. What was it you said earlier,” Chloe whispered. “This is Max and Chloe space. Let’s go have some fun!”

Max gave a wan smile. The exchange still weighed upon her heart. _Perhaps if I didn’t have other things on my mind it wouldn’t hurt so much._ But, she let Chloe take her hand and pull her along.

“The bracelet is one of the best gifts I ever got,” Chloe said as she led them back to the edge they climbed over. On the ground, the rope lay coiled, with one end going over the cliff. “Help me pull up the cooler.”

“I’d treasure a gift from my girlfriend, too,” Max muttered as she took the rope Chloe handed her. Chloe gave her a funny look and paused.

“That’s… not what I mean,” Chloe said. “I was impressed before that you went to visit Frank to get the alcohol and fireworks. He’s not the nicest guy, especially with everything that’s happened the last few weeks. I know he scares you.

“It’s the best gift because you pushed aside your fears and looked for something to help me. It’s been a long time since someone did that for me. And you did it twice.”

_Not even Rachel…_

Max stayed silent as she helped Chloe haul up the cooler. Once it reached the top, Chloe pulled it over the lip, then untied the rope. Max wheeled the cooler away while the pensive blue-haired punk coiled up the rope.

_Yes it hurt, but I think I get why she reacted that way._ _Especially after what David did to her._

Max paused and studied the dense trees and undergrowth ahead of her. Silently, she chuckled when she realized that barrier matched the obstacles she placed in front of herself. She gathered her plans back into her mind and reframed her thinking around them.

A hand touched hers and Max looked up at Chloe. “Only a little further,” Chloe said as she took the cooler handle. “Just through those trees.”

“Wait,” Max said when Chloe stepped forward. Chloe looked at her questioningly. “I’m… glad I got the bracelet for you. I…” She paused, uncertain and uncomfortable with the words she needed to speak. The trees to her right drew her eyes. For a moment, it was like she was cast from the earth, floating through the air without connection or control. Fingers took her hand, returning her to the ground.

With an awkward smile, Max looked at her girlfriend. Chloe looked at her in a way she’d seen many times through the years. Open, relaxed, with a smile and tilted head, it always made her feel safe and comfortable.

“It’s a struggle to believe someone, let alone you, sees me for who I am, instead of who I’m not,” Max whispered. “All I could hear and see when I gave you her bracelet is ‘Chloe wants Rachel more than me.’ That’s not fair to you or me and… I want to stop thinking that way.

“I got the bracelet because you treasure things that are connected to the people you care about. It’s why you kept William’s camera and gave it to me. It’s why you have the silly music CD I created for you, and a lot of other things. It’s what those things symbolize. They connect you. You needed a similar thing to connect you to Rachel. When I saw the bracelet, I knew that’s what you needed, so I got it.”

It was only at the end of her little speech that Max realized she was trembling.

“That’s hella deep, Max,” Chloe said thickly. Her throat was so tight it made speaking difficult. She dropped the cooler handle and took up Max’s other hand. Like Max knew her, she knew touching was something Max needed, craved even. “You’re right about me and things like the bracelet. I never realized you knew me that well.”

“You dork,” Max whispered as she forced herself to look into her blue eyes. “You changed some in the last few years, with your new adventures with Rachel and… There are some things that are the same.”

“Hey,” Chloe smiled, “who’s the dork you goop!”

With a smile, Max closed her eyes. The lack of sight helped her better focus on her contact with Chloe. The warmth and rough softness of her hands grounded her better than the exercises she did. Touch always did, though in the last five years she’d had very little of that. Not in the way she needed. Chloe’s hands loosened as if to draw away and Max clung tighter.

With eyes still closed, she said, “Please don’t. I… let you go five years ago. I don’t want to do that again. It was the worst mistake I made.” She opened her eyes and looked at Chloe smiling down at her.

“We both did, Max. I was angry at everyone and too hurt to be a friend.”

“I know, but that’s not why I said that. I’m a little scared to be your girlfriend… I’m not very good with dating and all that. I’m scared I’ll screw up, like I screwed up our friendship.”

Chloe moved a hand to Max’s cheek and run her thumb over a few freckles. “Be yourself. You’re the friend I need, always have been. We both screwed up. You gotta forgive yourself. We’re together and that’s what matters. When we screw up, we’ll work on it. Like we’re doing now.”

Max nodded. All the words were right if she could only accept them and believe them. She let go of Chloe’s hand only to slip her arm around the taller woman’s waist. “Oooh, snuggly Max,” Chloe teased. A moment later she gasped when Max slipped her hand into Chloe’s back pocket. It made Max feel daring and giggly.

“Damn girl,” Chloe said as she slipped her hand into Max’s back pocket. “I’m a great bad influence on you.”


	4. Bridge

“Oh, no way am I crossing that,” Max exclaimed. She halted in front of a fallen tree. It spanned a wide gap between the tower they stood on and another one. The other tower stood further out in the ocean. Waves washed around it to crash against theirs with a mighty sound! The tree spanning the gap was broad and covered in moss, lichen, and plants. The damp, rotted surface looked treacherous.

She stood with fingers playing with the hem of her hoodie and wondered why Chloe brought her here. _Couldn’t we camp on the beach? There was that old site by the truck…_

“It’s just a little way,” Chloe encouraged.

“A little way?! It’s at least thirty feet! Over rocks and surf!”

“But it’s not eel infested water.”

“You’re not making this any better.”

“Look, I crossed it the other day. It’s safe.” As if to prove her point, Chloe jumped onto the tree and brought the cooler up with her. “See?”

“I don’t know,” Max said as she looked at the distance to the water. She stepped back from the log. Chloe was flexing her knees like she was about to jump. “Don’t!”

“Don’t what?”

“Just… be careful.”

Chloe leaped to the ground near Max and walked over. “Hey,” she said. “I’ll be with you and won’t let you fall.”

She held out her hands. Max backed away more, her eyes shifting from the hands to the oh so wide gap between the columns of stone. From the jagged gap echoed the crash of surf. Each boom shook her confidence to cross until she wanted to get far away.

Chloe stood in place and let her arms drop. Max’s hands were busy with her trademark anxious fiddling on her pack straps. She knew, just knew! That if she could get her to the other side, Max would fall in love with the area. _How can I help her, though?_

She studied Max in the way only a long-time friend could. Arm crossed to her shoulder, hiding herself; face turned to the side and unable to make eye contact; feet shuffling in place. One step put her close to the shorter girl. She touched Max’s elbow tentatively.

_So many things dragging her down: anxiety, shitty self esteem, all that shit she went through in October. Same old Max._

“Hey, Max,” she whispered. “Look at me.”

It took a few more prompts before Max turned her head and gazed at her. “Take a breath.” Max furrowed her brow. “Please, take a breath and hold it.”

Max did.

“Now, let it out slowly.”

Max closed her eyes and let the air slowly escape.

“Again.”

She repeated it.

“Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“I know what you’re doing.”

“Shit! I’m that obvious? What’re you feeling?”

Max described the sensation of breathing, of how her chest and belly changed with the inhale, the tension that built as she held it, only for it to release with the air. Several times she repeated the exercise, each time Chloe guiding her through it. “Thank you,” she whispered after the anxiety about the bridge disappeared.

“Sorry, it took me so long.”

“What do you mean?” Max opened her eyes to give her a puzzled look.

“I forgot how to help you with these exercises. After Jones’ Beach, I had to go look them up. Even then, I missed the earlier signs. You were fading out on me just now, and I almost overlooked it.”

Chloe paused, wondering if she should voice the next question. Max seemed relaxed, her arms loose instead of rigid. With a mental shrug, she said, “What happened in Seattle?”

Max froze. “What, um, do you mean,” she hesitantly asked.

“You don’t really talk about that part of your life. You know all about mine. So, tell me about your life in Seattle.”

“N-now?”

That’s so not what Max wanted to talk about right now. Yet, only minutes ago, she had told Chloe she wanted to think differently. More than once, Chloe had told her she was her girlfriend. That meant something, right? That meant more than the whispers in the night that tore her down, right?

Max looked into Chloe’s amazing blue eyes and tried to believe. Believe that she was ok the way she was; believe that Chloe’s words were all that mattered. But it was so hard. And it hurt.

“Too many things,” she finally said.

“Hey,” Chloe whispered.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful. Your eyes. Your freckles. Your hair. Your smile. Your body. All of it is fucking beautiful, because they’re yours and you’re a beautiful person.”

The words burned, and Max turned her gaze away. They kindled so many feelings inside that she was a mess of emotions churning and roiling. A finger touched her cheek.

“I’ll say you’re fucking beautiful and amazing and talented every day until we die.”

That churning mess of emotions collided with the fire of smoldering passion. She trembled with the want to hold Chloe, to feel her close in her arms. That need to feel Chloe in an impossible way roared to life. The passion and need ran headlong into internalized fears and hatreds that fought until no action was possible. With a gulp, she hoarsely said, “Thank you”. It hurt just to say those words.

A hand touched her shoulder and that need almost won, almost took over. Max looked at her friend and saw the darkened cheek hidden behind makeup. She swallowed again and rasped, “I’ll cross over with you.”

Chloe studied her a moment longer.

_Her answers come so easily._

Gradually, Chloe’s face brightened and Max’s heart swelled with hope and other good things. Chloe took her by the hand and they walked the few steps to the natural bridge. “Tell you what, hippy,” Chloe said. “I’ll cross with your pack, the rope, and cooler. Once I drop them off, I’ll return for you.”

“Ok.” _Ouch, my throat is tight again!_

Chloe noticed the change in her voice, but said nothing. At the fallen tree, she dropped Max’s hand and slipped the backpack from her shoulders. Her eyes couldn’t help but look at the cap that again hid that adorable ponytail.

_Fucking evil thing. Evil!_

With the pack in hand, she hopped onto the log, then leaned down and grabbed the cooler handle. A moment later, she had it next to her and trudged it to the other side. Way too soon, she was back at the near end of the log with hands outstretched.

Max took two deep breaths, held each for a count of 3, then let them out. Chloe’s hands were steady and warm in hers as she helped Max step onto the log.

“Keep your eyes on me,” Chloe said. “We’ll take it slow.

“Eyes on you,” Max repeated, cringing as her voice cracked.

“What are you, a teenage boy?”

Shuffle step.

“N-no.”

Shuffle step.

_Don’t look down!_

“Maybe you’ll get that growth spurt this time.”

Shuffle step.

“Hey! It can come any day now.”

_Eyes on Chloe._

Shuffle step.

“Question: what’s your favorite time of day?”

“Wh-what?”

Shuffle step. A booming crash of surf echoed below, transforming into a terrifying roar that wanted to devour her! It shook her bones and jarred her focus. _Eyes on Chloe! Eyes on Chloe!_

“Time of day.”

“Oh, uh… night time, I guess? What’s yours?”

“Anytime that I’m with you.”

“Chloe!” _Damn, now my face is burning. And my stomach…_

Shuffle step.

“Hey, I don’t make these rules, Max. But I tell ya, it ain’t a lie.”

“Why… would I think you’re lying?”

_Don’t look down! Ah, those waves are so loud!_

“I didn’t say that.”

“Huh? You’re not making sense.”

Suddenly, Max found herself pressed against Chloe. Their joined hands were at shoulder height, apart from their bodies. Despite their clothes, she was aware of Chloe’s body and presence next to hers. And her stomach was so wild she wasn’t sure what would happen.

_Maybe anything can happen…_

With bated breath, Max looked up into Chloe’s smiling face and time froze. Like actually froze. Even her heart stopped beating as the woman she loved looked at her with a special smile that was only for her. Max wanted to melt.

“You did it,” Chloe whispered as she let go of Max’s hands. They quickly found themselves in Max’s back pockets. “Is this cool?”

Max squirmed a little as the fingers moved and caressed her through the denim. She gulped and made herself breathe and tried not to melt. She tried not to do something stupid and immature. She wanted to be the perfect person for Chloe.

“Uh… yes,” she said.

A flare of confidence jolted her mind and before Max knew it, she’d slipped her hands around Chloe’s waist. They dove under Chloe’s shirt to rest on her skin. It burned her fingers, and she almost jerked them away, but she held them there. The burning swept up her arms, into her heart and mind, and she sighed. Or maybe it was a moan.

The fingers in her pockets wiggled again, then slipped up to trace small circles on her back, under her shirt. The moment the fingers touched her skin, she flinched into Chloe. An urge to run, to hide, fought for control. She focused on the fingers circling, circling, circling little spots on her back.

The air above her shifted, and she tilted her head to look. Chloe was looking at her in that same way and she wanted to melt. Not to get away from here, but to be as close to Chloe as possible. Words pushed at her mind, a jumbled pile that wanted to explode from her mouth.

Chloe’s lips were parted, and they drew Max’s attention. She could see the tip of her tongue inside. Before either knew what was happening, Max pushed herself at Chloe and kissed her. The fingers on her back flattened to hold her, then slid up her shirt. Max’s fingers did the same.

She kept pushing herself at Chloe, like she wanted to be part of her. The force disrupted Chloe’s balance, and she stumbled backwards. It broke the kiss, but Max kept hold and followed her. A tree stopped the backward stumble, and Max used it to hold Chloe while she kissed her again.

Like before, she couldn’t get enough of Chloe. Her hands ached to rip their clothes off so she could feel her girlfriend, be close to her. But she didn’t know what to do, didn’t know if Chloe would like that, didn’t know what was right. So she did nothing but kiss until she faltered.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Chloe breathed as Max backed away.

“Yeah…” Heat flushed her face and body. Max didn’t know what to do with all the _things_ she felt inside. They seemed impossible to understand and she couldn’t look at Chloe, could bear to face her after that kiss.

“Hey.” Fingers touched her shoulder before she could turn away. “Are you ok?”

Max hesitated.

_She’ll laugh if I tell her…_

“I…”

_No, she won’t. She didn’t laugh when you shared other… things you thought were embarrassing._

Her shoulders slumped, and she gave Chloe a quick look. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“With?”

Again she hesitated. The urge to hold her shoulder grew, but she pushed it away. “I’ve got these… feelings that want to explode when I’m around you. When we kiss it’s worse, they get stronger and I want… I want to do things but I’m so confused and you probably won’t like them and I’m stupid for having them andIdon’tknowhowtotalkaboutthembecauseIdon’tevenknowwhattheyareand and and…”

Hands slipped into hers and held them out. “It’s ok,” Chloe whispered. “Really. Take a deep breath, then look at me and tell me what you see.”

Max was dubious but did what Chloe asked. When she let the breath out she said, “I see a friend, m-my girlfriend, who I want to know she’s loved more than anything else.”

_Fuck! I… I said that!_

She tried to pull her hands free as her heart rate spiked, but Chloe stepped into the pull. No laughter or wisecracks met her words. Instead, Chloe’s hands slid up her arms to rest on her shoulders.

“Shit, you… really feel that way?” Disbelief was thick in Chloe’s voice.

Max nodded, not trusting her voice to betray her with words she thought weren’t good enough for this moment, for Chloe. She felt like her life and feelings were on the edge of the cliff, ready to fall into the crashing waves with the wrong word.

The sound of the waves became distant as they rolled against the tower and shore. The soft rustling of the breeze in the pines softened the surf into a calming refrain. Chloe brushed a few stray bangs from Max’s face and tucked them under the cap. Max’s words had caused odd things to happen in her chest: a tightness, a quiver of excitement, a strange thudding of her heart.

“Say it again,” she asked thickly.

“I… want you to know you’re loved more than anything else.”

Chloe squeezed her eyes shut as the words worked their way into her. How long had it been since someone said those words to her?

_Rach never said she loved me. I didn’t tell her either. Fuck and Max not only said it, but freaking flipped her life upside down for me._

Max watched Chloe screw her face up, like she ate something bitter. The look and body language were so familiar.

_I’m not the only one who struggles to accept how others may think or feel about me._

She touched Chloe’s hand, uncertain whether she should hold it or her. The touch prompted Chloe to open her eyes. “You ok?”

Chloe hesitated, then spoke her mind. “Not really. I can’t remember the last time someone said they loved me and… the words felt real.”

“I… guess I should say it more,” Max said. Chloe’s admission weighed on her heart. “Not just show it.”

Slowly, Chloe nodded. “That… would be hella good,” she choked, trying to act cool with the situation. _Why the fuck am I doing that?_

“I love you.” Max stretched up, her hands on Chloe’s shoulders. Before their lips touched, she asked, “Is this ok?”

Chloe answered by closing the distance for the kiss. Her hands swept down Max’s back to cling to her. Max’s arms went around her neck. There was less fervor in their touch, their embrace. The kiss was sweeter, slower that soothed the passion each held into a slow burn.

When they parted, Max snuggled her face into Chloe’s neck. Here the world was a thing that couldn’t touch her. She hoped and wanted Chloe to feel the same.

“Do you like this,” she whispered.

The tree behind her provided a nice support as Chloe leaned back with Max snugged into her arms. She lowered her head to rest her cheek against the fuzzy cap. “Yeah… when we’re like this, it’s like everything is… right.”

The answer sent fuzzy goodness surging through Max. She snuggled closer to her girlfriend. That need to feel her, truly feel her, pressed against her but wasn’t as insistent as before.

Chloe thought about what Max said and did. It gave new meaning to all of her words and actions since they met up in the Blackwell parking lot. Sure, she’d told Max before that she’d shown her nothing but love since her return. To hear Max say those words meant more than she could allow herself to understand; but she wanted to. The trees and bushes around them blurred into a green smear as she thought about the woman in her arms. Max had always seen her differently than others did. It was a kind of gift her hipster friend had.

The words, the warmth of her girlfriend, the place, these combined into something Chloe hadn’t felt in a long time. Her shoulders shook as for once she allowed herself to accept what she felt, to believe it, to show it. She permitted herself to feel… safe.

Max clung to Chloe, listening to her girlfriend’s quiet sobs. They slipped into her heart to rest with all the things about Chloe that she treasured. Her lips lightly kissed her neck. Another need welled up: the need to comfort and care for her girlfriend. She rubbed Chloe’s back.

“You’ve shown me love, too,” she whispered. “You didn’t have to take me back. It would’ve hurt if you rejected me in October and I gave you plenty of reasons to, but you didn’t. You gave me your dad’s camera that first day, that meant a lot to me. You accepted me for who and what I am instead of trying to change me. You’ve checked on me since that week even… even when I try to hide just how much those… events fucked me up.

“I love you, Chloe, because you give me hope. Because you are compassionate, though life has taught you to hide that. Because I’ve always loved you. Because you love life and find it so exciting, even though Arcadia Bay’s tried to break that. I love you because you deserve love.”

At each word, Chloe’s arms tightened. Her body sagged, supported by only the tree and Max. It took a lot of effort, but she pushed back all the defensive thoughts that tried to tear apart what her girlfriend said. She accepted those words into herself and struggled to believe them, believe that someone loved her, that she deserved love.

And for that moment in time, held by the person who could always see her, she truly believed it. She wanted to take Max and her words and love into her so no matter where she went, that sense of warmth and safety was with her.

They stood together in the shelter of the tree until Chloe could cry no more, then they stayed longer. Chloe didn’t want the moment to end, didn’t want to allow life to intrude. Finally, though, with emotions still raw and exposed, Chloe lifted her head as did Max. The look on that freckled-face almost tore her heart from her again. There was such tenderness and _love_ in Max’s expression that her heart ached.

“We uh better get going,” Chloe choked. She didn’t want to go. Right here against the tree with Max in her arms is where she wanted to stay forever. “If we’re gonna get the campsite set up before night falls.”

Max nodded then, on impulse, stood on her toes and lightly kissed the punk. Chloe’s lips were salty and warm. She gave the taller girl a smile and stepped away. “Lead on,” she said, her voice also raspy and ill-behaved.

After wiping her face, Chloe retrieved the cooler and handed Max her gear. Once all were in place, she said, “It’s just over here.” She waved at more trees and started in their direction. A hand took hers and she looked back to see Max following, a bright smile on her face. Her heart sang to see such a beautiful sight, and she grinned. All was better than it could be.

The tower was broader than the first, with a lot of trees and brush and other plant life. Chloe led the way, pushing through branches and undergrowth. She held them out of Max’s path and made it easier for the smaller woman to follow.

“Here we are,” Chloe announced, and held some branches aside so Max could pass.

The view took Max’s breath away. A small clearing opened before them, surrounded by evergreens. Small bushes and grasses dotted the ground. A few bundles to the side looked out of place. She ignored them because across the clearing was a break in the trees. Through the break, Max could see the ocean stretched to the horizon.

She walked across the clearing to step close to the edge and look down. Far below, water surged around the base of the tower. A few sea birds flew below, or swooped down from above to catch something in the water. Light glittered on the choppy surface, blue-green from the tower to the horizon.

“So… what do you think?”

Max caught her breath, spun, and threw her arms around Chloe. “I think it’s perfect,” she squealed. Then dropped her arms and covered her mouth. _I just sounded like Kate when she plays with Alice!_

“That… was fucking cute,” Chloe said. “I’m glad you like this place. Why don’t you explore while I set up camp.”

“Oh, no,” Max said, “I couldn’t let you do that alone!”

A warmth swelled inside Chloe at Max’s words. Her hands slipped around Max’s waist into a loose hug. With foreheads touching, Chloe looked into the blue eyes that could distract her from anything.

_Fuck, I love those freckles!_

“I’ll be ok,” Chloe whispered. “I knew you’d love this place and I want you to spend as much time exploring and doing the things you love.”

“Being with you is what I love,” Max breathed.

The crash of the surf far below faded into nothingness. The wind seemed to disappear along with the few animal cries that carried along it. Max looked up at Chloe, her lips parted and such a soft expression on her face that Chloe felt herself falling.

And she didn’t want to stop it.

Their lips came together, pleasant and soft. Time lost meaning for them as they lost themselves in the moment. Arms moved and tightened as for the length of that kiss they became one.

When they parted, it wasn’t to panting breaths and nervous laughs. Rather, it was to soft kisses on red cheeks and fluttering eyes. Well, fluttering eyes from Max at least. Chloe just smiled and smiled and smiled.

“That,” she whispered, “was hella good. Now, go explore while I get our ‘home’ ready.”

“Our home, huh? Ok, I’ll go explore. But I might bring back some decorations for our ‘home’.”

Chloe let her arms slide down as she stepped away from Max. They swung back and forth like they didn’t want to touch anything other than Max. “Sounds great.” She couldn’t stop smiling. Even when she turned toward the campsite and saw all the supplies and equipment waiting for her.

“Oof,” she exclaimed as a small body slammed into her from behind. Arms flung around her to latch tight and a head leaned against her shoulder. “Thank you so much for bringing me here,” Max said. Then the arms and body disappeared and Chloe stood wishing for their return. When that didn’t happen within a few seconds, she rubbed the back of her head and walked toward the supplies. A cheerful whistling burst from her as she thought about her and Max stealing the night away. Since Max had returned, their lives had changed.

_I’m fucking never letting you go, Max Caulfield._

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [Rainboq](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainboq) for beta reading this chapter.


End file.
